Koenraad Vermey
Bart Peters foto
Bart Peters Fotograaf

Going Dutch

"I’m hopeful! Because I know there’s a heart somewhere, down there."

Dutch people tend to consider themselves open and direct. What better way than to reflect on these national values by asking four gay internationals about their viewpoints. What are the best and worst things about dating Dutch gays? Although they didn’t want to generalize, Kevin (Germany) Mehrshad (Iran), Fabian (Honduras) and Samuel (Switzerland) were pretty clear about the pros and cons of dating Dutch guys. We sat down with pancakes and had a lively discussion on gay life in Amsterdam, dating and sex.

Kevin: A lot of Dutch and German guys don’t look for their own nationalities. Especially in Amsterdam.

Mehrshad: I have the same thing though. I never ever date guys from Iran or the Middle East.

Fabian: Me neither! With Latinos I’m like, okay, you are too predictable. I know how it works.

Samuel: But I hardly go on dates with the ‘typical’ Dutch guy. I’ve never really been attracted to the typical tall, blond guys, blue eyes, bleak skin. If that’s what you call typically Dutch.

Mehrshad: I do it once in a while to be honest. But then I’m always, ‘argh, I was right’.

Samuel: It starts already with ‘going Dutch’. It’s like with paying the bill, you just go for your own thing and you stay true to your own thing. But what’s the point of going out with you then?

Fabian: I totally keep dating them. I’m a masochist I guess. (Everyone bursts out in laughter). I really like them! Physically I like them a lot.

Fabian: What I really like about Dutch guys… they’re really polite, they travel, they do sports. You’re always going to find something to talk about with them. But when the date is finished, they’re like “Okay let’s do it again”. But I figured out that if he doesn’t reply or is acting a little bit cold, he doesn’t want to meet you again.

Mehrshad: And even if they like you, they don’t make a move. The worst flirts I’ve had with Dutch guys. No emotion, no flirt.

Kevin: In terms of dating Dutch guys I see similarities with German guys. Being polite, not hurting a person. It’s exactly the same.


Fabian: "I totally keep dating Dutch guys. I’m a masochist I guess!"

So much for Dutch guys’ directness then! Maybe they are just playing hard to get?

Mehrshad: No no! They’re just insecure and don’t know how to do it. Hard to get is something else to me. That means you make people fantasize about you. They are not!

Samuel: I don’t think they’re playing hard to get but they just don’t know what they want. They try to keep everything open, looking for who’s best.

Mehrshad: Everyone is waiting for prince charming. But someone else is also waiting for prince charming, so move your ass!

Samuel: Is it a lack of commitment maybe? The coldness could also be they miss the passion.

Kevin: Dutch guys, like Germans and Swiss and Austrians and northern Europeans… they are just not so passionate.

Kevin: Of course there are exceptions. But French guys, Italian guys, and Spanish... they tell you earlier the way they feel. They show more interest.

Fabian: Latinos are more open. A Latin guy can be texting and calling you every time. And tells you he wants to do this and this and this with you…

Mehrshad: They want you! Whisper in your ear! I love that.


Mehrshad: "Someone else is also waiting for prince charming, so move your ass"

Fabian: You know, in work Dutch guys are really direct.

Mehrshad: Exactly. In general that’s what I like about Dutch people. Either they like you or dislike you. They don’t act.

Fabian: But then, when it comes to personal relationships… It’s totally different. Latin guys, they always tell you if they like you. It can be annoying too, they want to know everything about you. Here in the Netherlands, you have to figure it out yourself.

Mehrshad: Everyone is waiting for prince charming. But someone else is also waiting for prince charming, so move your ass!

You seem to agree on a lot of the negative sides! What are two good things about Dutch guys?

Kevin: My two good points are basically not about their behavior but more about their body. Having a big dick… Being tall.

Mehrshad: I totally agree! Big dick and being tall, that’s the only good thing about Dutch guys.

Fabian: I like them physically. Tall, their hair is always perfect. They’re really realistic... They know what they want… they are ambitious. That’s cool.

Samuel: Yeah, their ambition... Another good thing is that you never have to worry they will be late really. Maybe 5 minutes, max 15. But you know they will be in time.

Kevin: Their priorities are more on themselves and on their career, but not on relationships. Guess it’s our generation also. 


 Samuel: "You never have to worry Dutch guys will be late really".

Sounds like it’s not completely hopeless. What could Dutch guys do to improve themselves?

 Kevin: The negative parts are really about their emotions…. Which they could change! The good things they can’t really influence.

Samuel: Maybe they are looking too much at other people.

Kevin: Open up! And think of your priorities.

Mehrshad: Be more passionate about your dating life! And it’s 2015... Still people are living in a small world. Get out of your small nightclub and mix with people…

Fabian: I'm hopeful! Because I know there's a heart somewhere, down there...

Fabian: Yeah socialize more. Be more open to other people outside your friends’ circle…

Mehrshad: But you cannot solve the problem if you can’t see it.

Fabian: I still have hope!

Mehrshad: You’re the masochist one...

Fabian: I’m hopeful! Because I know there’s a heart somewhere, down there...


 Kevin: "My two good points about Dutch guys are basically not about their behavior...

Koenraad Vermey
Bart Peters foto
Bart Peters Fotograaf